My Body My Soul

My birthdate June 28, 1972.

I love my birthday.

Astrologically I am a cancer... this is me without a doubt.

When I was in elementary school, my birthday was the last day of school. It couldn’t get any better than that! And I always had a birthday party at my house. Of course everyone could come because it wasn’t quite summer holidays yet and everyone was around still.

I realized as I was getting older It must’ve been the thing to do, to baptize your children when you didn’t have one ounce of faith or belief in a higher power. At least that was the way it was in my family. There are three of us kids and of course we were all baptized, but God forbid a song to play on the radio that might allude to God or religion or a higher power, paired with the comment, oh that sounds religious turn it.

So I pretty much grew up in an atheist environment and household. Any person, visitor, friend or neighbour that had the depth and insight of a higher power was claimed to be weird or have a problem. It was even worse if they wouldn’t take a drink. If you didn’t drink alcohol, you have a problem.

I guess I was brainwashed by my parents to not believe in God or a higher power. That there was judgement around it.

It was probably when I was in my 30s that I started to have a bit of interest in God and explore religion and open my eyes. It was then as well that I saw my family for who they were and their dysfunction.

I come from a family that lives in denial. Sweeping things under the carpet like they don’t exist. Blaming everyone else and choosing not to look at themselves.

There are a number of topics I could speak about here, but will keep for another time. They involve divorce, not only of my husband, but of my family. Spending a month in the mental health ward in the hospital. Sexual abuse.

Higher power, God, my SOUL coupled with my mind and body are the very topics I will speak to here.

It was last summer perhaps July 2024 that I read, A Time For Grace by Caroline Myss.

You see, I have always followed Caroline, Louise Hay, Pema Chodrin, Dale Carnegie since my 20s and the list has been added to over the years, as I have found other inspirational authors...

However, forgive me, for I digress. I’m not sure what was happening for me last summer at this time other than I was compelled to visit her list of books. I feel as if I was reading a different book that spoke about the soul and mentioned her. I immediately sought out the book that was calling me and purchased it. I’m so grateful I did because I learned a tremendous amount about my soul. It was from that moment on I realized I have never been alone.

I am a soul in a borrowed body.

My soul was born into my family for a reason. I have found a higher purpose in my soul and why I was put into the family dynamics that I was born into.

I was like this little girl that was born frightened. Easily influenced by my parents vision of what my version should be like. If I didn’t support that version, then, I was the one that had a problem. I was the one that was different, and until I stood up and changed the narrative I would have stayed in that cage. From the depths of myself, I knew I couldn’t stay. I tried, but it was such a battle within myself because I knew it wasn’t right or didn’t fit me.

This was one of the loneliest hardest times of my life when I stood my ground. Not only was I standing up to them, but to my husband as well who had me want to believe his way. That my father and my mother were not that way. That they were these really wonderful people that didn’t brush things under the carpet and live in denial. I couldn’t turn a blind eye to it any longer because I was one of the people that was affected, deeply, from my family’s dysfunction. Not only my husband, but my brother-in-law as well. When it came to sexual abuse, the comment was, oh Roger will never do that again. What? What do you mean never do it again? He just got caught sexually abusing a seven-year-old girl, in 2006. Do you not realize that that’s just being caught. He has done this before and many times. I am one of those people that this happened to.

THIS is this point in my life, that I made the decision to say no. If I am the only one that believes myself, so be it. I look back and I really was so courageous, but it was very trying. It was very dark. Not only was I choosing to leave a family unit of disfunction and leave people that were critical in my life, I was losing my health at the same time with multiple sclerosis. It was very overwhelming.

Somehow, at that time, I didn’t know I was working from my soul, but it must’ve been because I had the most incredible strength, regardless of how dark and trying it was. I never gave up. It was this inner drive that was coming from the depths of myself.

What I can say now, at this moment in my life, as I write this, is how beautiful it really was. Despite everything that went along with my choice. It’s always after going through something that we can reflect.

I have a deep relationship with my body and my soul. My body speaks and I listen. That gut feeling that I feel that is my soul speaking.

I have really learned how to step back. Breathe.

Remind myself that this is NOW.

Live in the present.

For I know, if I allow my mind to control me, I will be in the past, filled with regret or what if’s OR jump to the future, that doesn’t exist, associated with anxiety or desire. When we are led with desire, we are being led by the mind. I have learned to tell the difference. When I’m being led by my soul, there’s no pushing, no struggle. It’s the stepping back, breathing, and allowing things to fall into place as they should.

Circumstances turn out when I step back and am led by the soul and listen to my body.

Resulting in outcomes that are always better than what I could ever have imagined.

I continue to breathe & be breathed🤍xo